i know God has me in this place in my life to grow me.
but can it just be over?
heart-broken at myself.
when will i learn?
instead i teach myself to believe lies.
i get on facebook and see if there’s a green dot next to your name. and i check every few minutes until it’s not there anymore. g’night.
i started a book about writing down your goals. and simple act of putting them in writing makes them happen, no matter how inconceivable they seem. who knows if this is legitimate, but someone took time time to write a book about it, so it can’t hurt. following is a list of my goals. some are serious, some are silly. but they’re all real.
so i have this crush. and it feels like high school again. i was attracted to him, but didn’t think about it often. but then someone mentions that we’d be good together. so that gets me thinking. “yeah, he is really cute. and from what little i know of him, it’s obvious he’s a good man”. so my mind escalates in thoughts of this gentleman. i don’t know him well at all. so i create scenes in my head of how that would happen. and how he might want to hold my hand. he even makes several appearances in my dreams. my heart always races just before i see him. i try to be subtle, but still act interested. but this whole time i think to myself “he’s too good for me”. yet here i am thinking about him. writing about him. wishing i knew him…and that he wanted to know me. but alas, i fear i am invisible. or unworthy. high school.
but this is also so refreshing. calming almost. it’s the most innocent i’ve felt in years. and as much as i wish he would say one word to me to give me hope, there’s an inner peace i have. that there is someone out there so good for me. that i can pour my love out to. i don’t know if it’s this one. but i have peace. and i am secure in love.
i keep thinking about you.
and i don’t want to stop.
advise, encouragement, fun, lessons, fortune cookies?
basically, four years of excellence.
read, take, use.