Stop worrying about my life and my body and just do things I want to do and eat things I want to eat.
This is the time of life I should be doing everything and never sleeping. And so I’m going to.
I am beautiful. I am confident. I am worthy.
Time to start living that way.
I’m still in love with what I wish you were.
it hurt like hell. it still does. but i’m moving forward. for a while i would wake up and just think to myself “i wish i was dead”. he wasn’t here. we weren’t close at all. he didn’t try. he was too afraid. i need more than words. he hurt me. he broke my heart. so i had to listen to my heart and leave him. it still hurts. i love him. i love his family. but i can’t settle. he wasn’t there for me. he knew i needed him. i don’t know why he didn’t want me enough. i wanted him to be the one. i still want to tell him the little things. i still want him to be my best friend. but it’s probably even a month since we’ve spoken. i remember when i thought about not talking for a day. we went over 4 years and didn’t miss a day. not one. and suddenly he’s gone. but tonight i’ve been thinking a lot. i don’t want to be with him any more. sure, i’d love to hold him and kiss him…it would feel perfect he would be so comfortable. but that’s just it. now…it’s only a feeling. i know that he’s really not what i want. and writing that is so releasing. like a burden is lifted. of course it’s still going to hurt. but i’m getting there.